“
The really horrible thing about quitting drinking is, I think, inside my mind I was so divided against myself. Nobody really talks about what happens to you and your level of self-confidence when you tell yourself every fucking day you’re going to drink X, and then you drink 10 times that—or you’re not going to drink at all and you drink anyway. You become very split off against yourself. So there was a part of me that would yell and scream and say, “You stupid bitch, goddamnit, you said you weren’t gonna drink and you drank anyway.” And there was this other part that was like “Fuck those people! Fuck the rules!” you know, blah blah blah… You assume that when you quit drinking, you’re surrendering to that kind of nasty schoolmarm rule-maker. But for me getting sober has been freedom—freedom from anxiety and freedom from…my head. What has kept me sober is not that strict rule-following schoolmarm. There’s more of a loving presence that you become aware of that is I think everyone’s real, actual self—who we really are.
Blake said, “…we are put on Earth a little space / That we might learn to bear the beams of love.” And I think, quote-unquote, “bearing the beams of love” is where the freedom is, actually. Every drunk is an outlaw, and certainly every artist is. Making amends, to me, is again about freedom. I do that to be free of the past, to not be haunted. That schoolmarm part of me—that hypercritical finger-wagging part of myself that I thought was gonna keep me sober—that was is actually what helped me stay drunk. What keeps you sober is love and connection to something bigger than yourself.
When I got sober, I thought giving up was saying goodbye to all the fun and all the sparkle, and it turned out to be just the opposite. That’s when the sparkle started for me.
” —Mary Karr on addiction, a remarkable read.
Complement with The Spirituality of Imperfection and Karr on why writers write.
(via explore-blog)
(Source: , via npr)
I finally understand the term blind rage,
Blind because
my hatred is completely unfounded
and Rage
because I want to scream
as loud as I can
at the top of my lungs
when I see
that blonde-haired floozy’s
arm around your waist
and it hasn’t even happened
it’s all in my mind.
Although I know it will
that’s why you left.
I have no reason
to feel this way
at all
but I do.
And it sucks because
you said it was my fault.
Sometimes I honestly think you’re just messing with this girl
because she’s barely legal
and you like the idea of it
because you’re a sick fuck.
Even sicker is that I know
you like to see me squirm
and I do
at the very though of you two
She may be sweet
or even beautiful.
But I am a real women
and although I said differently
before
I refuse to share you.
It hurts too much.
[video]
[video]
Everybody’s running to their social media outlet to spout
about
their thoughts
on gun violence.
But how quickly do we
forget about the “gun violence”
that is performed by
our government daily.
Nothing will be done until you
GET MAD
and not at the lunatics
performing these acts
but the bullies in suits
writing it into law,
GET MAD
and not me for being insensitive
I send nothing but good
vibrations to the deceased and their
loved ones,
But this is like the 5th one of these this year
and I’m starting to wonder
if this is ever going to stop?!
All of the
shooting
killing
heartache for those lost.
All of it.
And the truth is it’s not going to.
Something must be done
but first you’ve got to get MAD!
Anything you do will not surprise me,
call me or don’t
who the fuck cares.
I will continue to put off all my
priorities and focus on
anything but you.
And you are entitled to
love
anything but me,
and who the fuck cares
either way.
I just want to be
violated by the
same
four men
until they can
no longer satisfy me.
And unfortunately for
you
You are number
5.
And I can’t see
me burning through
1
2
3
or 4
anytime
soon.
(Source: taiwanesekid05, via megunztron)
[video]